The low road…

While I’m procrastinating…might as well continue.  So, the UK have altered their immigration rules YET AGAIN (not sure if I’ve already updated that…) primarily they have raised the level of earnings that you need to qualify for the visa so high I can’t imagine EVER earnings that much. 

Plan B was to use the funds from selling the house to go back as a student, but for whatever reason…maybe my impending 30th…I have started to rethink it all, and perhaps trying to get back to Scotland is not what I should be doing with my life.

It breaks my heart – honestly, my emotional reaction often surprises me…but I can’t go on living like a gypsy.  I want to have a home.  I want my daughter to have a home.  It’s not so much the stuff that I want, heaven knows it was so liberating to sell everything last year and I certainly don’t want to leap into that process of accumulating crap again, but a place and having a life certainly appeal.  All up it’s I’ve spent 10 years trying to make Scotland my home, and my efforts seems to be doing more damage than good.

We have been back in Australia 5 years, 2 months, 14 days and about 6 hours, and every day I have woken up thinking that this could be the day we go back to Scotland.  So I have not applied or accepted great jobs.  I have not bought a (proper) car.  I have held back from people who might have become good friends.  I have spent countless hours scrolling through immigration websites when I could have been spending time with my daughter.

I have put my real life on hold while waiting for my imaginary life to begin.  OMG I have become that cliche.  The frustrating part is, if someone had told me 5 years ago that it would take this long, then I could have taken a job back then and had 5 years experience by now, instead of the patchworked work history I have pieced together all the while keeping one eye on the door…

It can’t continue.  As frustrated as I am with it all, as gut wrenching as it is whenever there’s a reference to the UK in the paper, or something on the TV about Scottish islands or haggis, I feel surprisingly calm about it all.  Perhaps deep down I am so relieved to be able to hang up the pick I’ve been using to chip away at the mountain of UK immigration…

I haven’t given up.  Not by any means.  I am pressing a 5 year pause button though.  I hope it won’t take that long, but I want to prepare myself better this time.  With no hope of the Tier 1 visa, and being disinclined to throw all my savings at study (which seems a waste of time after my Masters and anyway offers no guarantee of work or PR), my best option is to find work and start gaining experience so in a couple of years I can start applying for jobs in the UK and get sponsored to go back.

Life is what happens to you / while you’re busy making other plans

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